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My Blog SCRIBBLE AND EDIT reflects my love of creative writing, design, literature and film. Check out my Poems & haiku, Romantic Flash Fiction; Blogfest Entries; Blog Awards and other prose and Flash Fiction. Do bear with me, as I will reciprocate with those genuine commenters on my blog.  BTW I sometimes withhold comments for challenges until later. Comments about the post are much appreciated. Thank you.
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Friday, 7 September 2012

RFW ~ I Should have Kissed You Flash Fiction

This week's Flash Fiction/ Poetry Challenge set by Romantic Friday Writers:

In this challenge, RFW are looking for the hesitation, uncertainty and consequences (however temporary or permanent) of the missed opportunity to kiss.  Our lips should feel it, our tongues to taste it, our bodies and minds to be so involved in the anticipation that we have to kiss our hand (or our uninterested significant other) just to be fulfilled.
Feel free to write any outcome to I SHOULD HAVE KISSED YOU concept: Young lovers, first dates, re-entering the dating game, a last good bye, a romantic effort to save a flagging relationship.
You choose the circumstance, age of lovers, degree of relationship, genre. Remember, the focus is on the hesitation, feeling it all the way up to the moment of the Kiss that doesn't happen, and then... 
Click the Romantic Friday Writers link, join the linky and have some fun!

With Regret by Madeleine Sara


For how long I stood alone, watching the aeroplanes, I cannot say, but the realisation that I had made an irrevocable mistake, crawled over my heart like the spectre of hindsight. My mind pictured Jessica’s face, steeped in sadness, as she headed towards Gate 17 to her new life, without me; wearing her long, wool coat that clipped her waist so provocatively.
Of course we had argued when she mentioned it a month ago. She had accused me of not supporting her success; her career. She would have followed me to the ends of the earth, she said, if I had asked her. I simply hadn’t wanted my wife to take that job so far across the oceans from Somerset to New York. Regret tightened my throat like a knotted handkerchief; a cruel reminder. Why hadn’t I swallowed my fear, my pride and handed in my notice and gone with her?
      I should, at least, have made our parting count; breathed in the intoxicating scent of her, to store in my memory bank. I cringed inwardly recalling those awkward, formal pecks on each cheek we granted one another before we were interrupted by the Boarding Call. If only I had looked on her with the love and longing I felt; lost myself in her beautiful brown eyes. Instead I gave her a glance full of steely accusation, laced with pain. Now Jessica and I were destined to take this with us and hold it in our hearts forever.
 I should, at least, have told her with my touch, light against her long, swan-like neck how much I wanted her to stay. I should have let her know as our bodies crushed together in intimate longing. I should have told her with the gentle caress of our soft, warm lips as we kissed goodbye, as we should have done.
 Then Jessica’s voice was beside me, there in the airport. ““I love you David. I couldn’t leave without a proper goodbye”
I should have kissed you, properly!” I breathed, overjoyed. My heart was alive with hope and gratitude. Pulling her to me, I pressed my lips on hers. Our kiss taxied for a brief moment; gentle, tentative, then imperceptibly deepened as yearning hunger sent shivers in full flight down our spines, lifting our hearts higher with love and forgiveness. 
“I’ll catch the next flight” Jessica said, breaking the kiss, breathing heavily.
“And I’ll hand in my notice and follow you soon” I replied.  
(411 words)


Relationships are part of life and are included in every genre. True romance just steps up the ante a little, focusing on the couple and describing their feelings and intimacy.
So did you feel the true romance of this piece? Well it received the one of this week's RFW, awards. Thank you.

I will post my review of Medeia Sharif's YA novel,
Bestest Ramadam Ever next week.



RFW said: I felt the romance between Jessica and David. Many contributors wrote of the regret of missed opportunity in the throes of young love, but David takes the initiative. Obviously a close couple, he's changed his mind rather than live with a lifetime of regret. He's going to act - he's going to follow Jessica to her new job rather than look back years later. Madeleine Maddocks' perfect flash fiction piece, followed the guidelines to a 'T'. Congratulations Madeleine! 

29 comments:

  1. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!! How lovely!! Awwww what a most romantic read for Friday!! How lovely! Yay!!!

    Take care
    x

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  2. Well done. And so sad when people screw up opportunities for happiness like this. "I should have kissed you" would make a great book title for one of you romantic writers. :)

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  3. Wow! I liked reading about Jessica and David. It was a great piece of flash fiction.

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  4. Yay, happy ending they got it together in the end! Lovely.

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  5. I love this Madeleine :) I like how they both re-prioritize at the end

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  6. Hi Madeleine,

    Nice to see a man following his romantic dreams for a change.
    Usually it's the female who finds herself giving up everything to follow her man.

    Enjoyed reading your male POV in first person narrative.

    There's something about a male POV that's quite intriguing. Perhaps it's getting under the skin of a different gender...for me anyway:)

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  7. Dear Madeleine,
    I agree with Adura that it is unusual for the man to give up everything for his woman.
    You had a possible 600 words for this challenge and did not use them. I guess you felt that you did not need them.
    Nice story.
    Best wishes,
    Anna
    RFW - I should have kissed you

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  8. HI Madeleine
    Oh well done. I felt the regret as if I lived it. Your story had a happy ending, mine did not. Well written and well done.
    Nancy

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  9. Love the happy ending, and especially from his point of view. Regret turned around is satisfying, wish more of us could find that.

    Excellent story and like the Flash Fiction explanation, wish I'd have read it before I posted. :) But I'm here to learn, thank you!

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  10. I love the ending - so romantic, great writing.

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  11. Thanks everyone. I am glad you've enjoyed my flash piece. Anna, yes I prefer the shorter 400 flash word count for the blog post that allows for a tighter story and requires less reading time for visitors. ;O)

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  12. Very sweet and loving. It's hard to portray that type of commitment. Great job!

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  13. Ah. I love it. A happy ending to follow the regret. Fabulous, Nancy.

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    Replies
    1. Sorry, Madeleine for mixing up blog authors. I'm on my phone so can't delete and rewrite it.

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  14. Bless you Kiru, I understand I've done it myself in the past.

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  15. Hi,

    Well, what can I say... Magical! Loved it. It hit the heart where it should, for characters and readers. Wonderful emotions tempered with regret. ;)

    best
    F

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  16. Longing and regrets followed by a happy ending. Great piece.

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  17. That's a sweet flash fiction piece. :) I like the ending!

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  18. Hi Maddy. I especially like the way you nailed the structure. It really added to your well-considered plot. The uncertainty of David, the proof of Jessica's love, then David deciding he needed to follow her. Lovely romance. I felt it. And I felt keenly the regret he didn't want to live with. I'm so glad he acted on this emotion, or many years later, he may have been so sorry.

    Thanks for such a quality entry to our prompt.

    Denise

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  19. To answer your question - yes I did feel it...and I loved the happy ending, so glad he didn't have to carry not-so-nice memories..

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  20. How wonderful it is that sometimes, we can correct our mistakes!! This was such a sweet romantic tale!! Thank you for sharing!

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  21. Hi, Madeleine,

    This was BEAUTIFULLY written. I have goosebumps and the shivers....

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  22. Yes; very romantic. And all that regret had me practically kicking myself. Good thing she came back and kissed him :)

    ......dhole

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  23. Awh bless you all thank you.

    I haven't made it around to everyone's entry yet, but I will. I had a blue screen computer moment and my neck and shoulder have been agony.

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  24. I love happy endings! So glad you wrote it that way. Nicely done!

    Thanks for your kind words also on my post.

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  25. Congratulations on your Runner Up Award!

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