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My Blog SCRIBBLE AND EDIT reflects my love of creative writing, design, literature and film. Check out my Poems & haiku, Romantic Flash Fiction; Blogfest Entries; Blog Awards and other prose and Flash Fiction. Do bear with me, as I will reciprocate with those genuine commenters on my blog.  BTW I sometimes withhold comments for challenges until later. Comments about the post are much appreciated. Thank you.
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Tuesday, 12 October 2010

AN ADVENTUROUS CONTEST through the eyes of a child

Beth Revis, has a magical blogsite. She writes and has a book Across the Universe ready for publication in Spring 2011. She's also decided to giveaway an ARC signed copy of her debut novel.

For a chance to win you must share an adventure story.
There's still a few days left to enter. Closes October 20th.


(Did you notice the Rubin Vase illusion of the faces within the nebulae in the picture left?)

Congrats to Beth, too.
Also submitted for WriteEditPublish March 2014

From a child's POV
High Street Adventure by Madeleine Maddocks.


Mummy holds my hand, tightly, as we hurry down the high street.
“We must get to the shop before it closes” she shouts into the air.

We dodge between the people walking towards us. I am pulled along by my arm. A man’s scratchy tweed jacket brushes my cheek. The smell of old tobacco fills my nostrils. A handbag bobs and bashes my head, its shiny surface cold and unwelcome against my mousey brown curls. All around us people seem to be rushing somewhere. Even the cars in the road seem to be in a hurry. I try to look ahead of me, but I am brushed and jostled from every direction. Mummy says this is called the evening rush hour, when all the people are going home. The sight of a tiny little dog catches my attention. Its eyes are wide and panicky as it dodges everyone’s feet.

“Oh look at that doggy, Mummy!” I shout up at her, but my voice is lost in the hum and roar of the traffic.

The air is thick with a bitter tasting smell. A piercing siren suddenly splits the air, accompanied by a screeching of tyres and hooting of horns. The lorries and cars and trucks and buses all seem impatient and angry. There is no time to stop. A large, hairy man steps into the road, as a pushchair heads towards us. Mummy drags me out of its way just in time. We catch a glimpse of one another; the little boy in the pushchair grins at me, peering through his heavy, blonde fringe. His mouth is smeared with chocolate. Crisp crumbs fleck his T-shirt. I stare back uncertain; there is no time to smile back. We hurry on and I wonder what we will have for tea, as I look at shoes. Old, worn shoes; shiny, new shoes; clean shoes; muddy shoes. I try to look at my own feet and almost trip. Mummy pulls my arm.
“Pick up your feet, Madeleine!” she scolds.

I hear our feet clacking against the pavement. My bright, pink sandals flap loudly against the concrete, not quite in tune with Mummy’s clip clopping high heels. The marching beat of the people around us drums loudly and methodically in my ears, competing with the chatter of voices. We walk on, my arm aching with the pace. The smell of burgers and chips wafts towards me from an open doorway.
“We’ll have some of that nice salad for tea.” I hear Mummy’s voice pronounce.

My stomach gurgles its disappointment. I startle as someone coughs beside my left ear. A lemony snail trail splats on the dull concrete in front of us. I stare at it and feel sick. We reach the end of the busy road and turn left. Suddenly the madness has stopped. There’s only Mummy and me in this quiet side street. We walk in through the open doorway. Into the welcome silence of the pet shop to buy my first gerbil.

27 comments:

  1. Yay for a gerbil!!! I'm so glad you decided to join in and participate! What a great piece, looks like you and your muse are working to become friends again!

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  2. Bless. What a sweet adventure! And what a fabulous competition. I'm not sure I have time to enter but I'll try. Thank you!

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  3. Oh little Madeleine sounds like a really sweet kid. I love her POV

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  4. this touched me very unexpected...as it could've been me, pulling my children through crowded streets...now they're all teenagers - and when i look back, being very task oriented i tended to see more the things that had to be done than what they might have needed...

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  5. Good use of the senses. I felt like I was in the middle of rush hour too. It reminded me of when my father took me to Wall Street in Manhattan when I was little. I had to take two to four steps for every one of his strides.

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  6. Oh, what an excellent story! And big congrats to Beth on "Across the Universe."

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  7. Bless, so cute! I love reading all these adventures!

    (And hi! Found you via Lisa's blog ^^ )

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  8. Thank you so much Jen, Ellie, Joanna, Claudia, Theresa, Julie and Marieke and thanks to my newest followers. Yes my heart was pounding for poor little Madeleine too. I adored my gerbils when I was a girl.

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  9. Such a sweet adventure. Gerbils are lovely little creatures, aren't they?

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  10. This is wonderful Maddy. Such a sensory piece. I was in that crazy high street with the little girl. Sounds like a great competition. All the best. Thanks also for linking it to this month's WEP challenge. Perfect for it.

    Good to see you writing again!

    Denise

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    1. Bless you Denise,
      The original competition was in 2010.
      Glad you enjoyed my child's POV.I enjoyed writing it.

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  11. Love the movement of this piece, the sensory details. Great writing. The gerbil was a surprise.

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    1. Thank you Scheherezade.I was recollecting my own experiences as a child. :O)

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  12. Very engaging and entertaining. I seem to remember that shoe-spotting bit from my own childhood!

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    1. LOL! Thank you. Yes the sound does capture the mind, doesn't it. :O)

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  13. My kids had gerbils. You've captured very well the way a child is easily distracted from the main goal (getting the gerbil). To a child whose viewpoint is at a lower level, it does feel like a jungle of feet, purses and legs. . .

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    1. Thanks D.G., glad you enjoyed it. :O)

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  14. I was surprised at the end! I thought they were going home. Nice point of view description and easy to fall right in with her in the crowd. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Thanks Lisa, glad you enjoyed it.Thanks for commenting!

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  15. A really well written piece. I was right on the little girls footsteps. So descriptive, I was there. I loved the idea of her feet being out of time with her mother's. Very clever. The change in tempo at the end reminded me just how resilient are little people are! Thank you.

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    1. Bless you thanks Jenny, Glad you enjoyed it.
      Yes the contrast between busy high street and quiet side street does create some sensory impact.

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  16. Well, maybe no hamburgers & chips, but at least there was a gerbil! :D Great story. Loved your description.

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    1. LOL! Hopefully not to be consumed gerbil, though.

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  17. Lovely story, I was that child as well being pulled along at knee level and scared of everything rushing around me. So descriptive you took me right back and the entrance into the quieter street was just the perfect ending with the purchase of the gerbil.

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    1. Oh thank you Sally, so glad you identified with the little girl too. :O)

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  18. Awww sweet post. Enjoyed reading it.

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